Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents: Tips for Getting to Know Them

Choosing adoptive parents for your baby can be one of the most exciting, yet, nerve-wracking parts of the adoption process. How do you find adoptive parents who are right for you and your baby?

As a prospective birth mother, you will not only be able to set preferences for prospective adoptive parents, but you can also have the chance to speak with potential parents to ensure they are right for you and your baby. We know how monumental this choice is, which is why we understand that you will likely have questions that you feel can only be answered by the prospective adoptive family.

But, what are some questions to ask adoptive parents, and how do you go about talking with adoptive parents that you’ve chosen?

Talking with Adoptive Parents: How to Prepare

First, know that your adoption counselor will always be there to help you prepare for talking with the adoptive parents prior to a match. They will have shown you this family’s profile because they meet your preferences, and they can often answer many of the questions you may have about the family.

However, it’s normal to wish to speak with the parents yourself before choosing them to raise your baby. Your adoption counselor will set up a conversation between you and them, usually through a conference call or in-person meeting. Your counselor will also be a part of this conversation or meeting to ensure you and the adoptive parents are comfortable throughout.

It’s a good idea to prepare for this initial conversation with your adoption professional’s help. As exciting as this first meeting is, it can also be overwhelming. Learning as much as possible about the family can help put your mind at ease, as well as writing down a list of questions to ask the potential adoptive parents. It is sometimes helpful to go over this list, ahead of time, with your adoption counselor.

Many people describe this first conversation as similar to the feeling of a first date. While there is always the potential for awkward moments, being prepared and having your adoption professional with you will help you get to know the adoptive family. Remember, they will be just as nervous as you!

Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents

When determining what questions to ask an adoptive family, you’ll want to think about what is most important to you. You may have a gut feeling about the adoptive family prior to talking with them, but asking additional questions about things mentioned in their profile can better confirm your original feelings.

It’s normal for a family’s profile to raise follow-up questions. These are a great place to start when preparing for the initial conversation. Your adoption professional can also help you create a list of questions to ask prospective adoptive families.

Consider asking adoptive parents these questions, too:

  • How and when did you meet?
  • What are your favorite qualities in each other?
  • What makes your relationship strong?
  • How did you know you wanted to become parents, and why did you decide on adoption?
  • What are your home and your community like?
  • Why is where you live a good place to raise a child?
  • Will one of you stay home with the baby? If not, what kind of childcare plans do you have?
  • What is your work schedule like? How will that impact your child’s life?
  • What is your extended family like? How involved will they be in your child’s life?
  • What are your values? Are you religious?
  • How important are education and learning in your home?
  • How will you teach your child to be a good person?
  • What are your hobbies?
  • What does a typical weekend look like for you?
  • What kind of things will my child grow up doing in your family? How will you support their hobbies and interests?
  • What is your experience with adoption?
  • How will you incorporate adoption into your child’s life? How will you talk about me and their birth family?
  • What kind of parents do you see yourself being? How will you discipline your child?
  • How do you see me being involved in your child’s life as they grow up?
  • How will you honor my wishes for my child to know their history and culture?

These are just a few good questions to ask adoptive parents. As you prepare for your first conversation with them, you will likely come up with more personalized questions based on what you learn about them.

There are also some important questions not to ask adoptive parents. Many adoptive parents have gone through years of infertility before deciding to pursue adoption, so if they seem unwilling to share their reasons for adoption, it is not because they are trying to hide something but instead likely because they want some privacy about their past heartaches. Don’t worry about asking them about financial support, as our adoption professionals are the ones responsible for talking with you about your pregnancy- and adoption-related needs.

Your adoption professional can help you create a list of questions to ask adoptive parents and guide you on which questions might be best saved for later in the adoption process.

To learn more about finding an adoptive family in South Carolina, please contact our adoption counselors today at 864-680-8038.