After learning of an unplanned pregnancy, women often experience a sudden rush of emotions and questions, usually all related to what to do next. But which of these thoughts are based in logic and reality, and which are temporary feelings resulting from this traumatically emotional experience?
One of these thoughts that can be most troublesome is when a woman admits, “I don’t want my baby.”
Those five little words are difficult for most women in this situation to accept. Some might feel guilty, while others may feel ashamed.
If this describes your feelings, understand that this is normal – don’t be hard on yourself. This is all part of the process of deciding which path is best for you and your child.
So, what do you do with these feelings of not wanting your baby?
Here at the Law Offices of James Fletcher Thompson, we recommend taking some time to self-reflect and discuss these feelings with loved ones and possibly even a counselor. It’s important to consider whether today’s feelings will carry over to tomorrow and into the future or whether they will pass as you understand that your own life situation will change over time.
Perhaps you aren’t ready to be a mother today, but you could be in the future. This is a question that only you can answer.
The following are some things to consider about your situation to help you determine if you are certain you don’t want to raise your child.
Your Finances – These days, times are tough for many people, and especially for people who have a baby on the way. Since your pregnancy is unexpected, you likely haven’t been preparing financially for the addition of a new family member. And thus, the weight of this news combined with an unsteady financial situation can present a wave of anxiety.
While many women do pursue adoption due to finances, it’s important to remember two things:
- There is help out there for women in your situation, like Medicaid and WIC. Your local pregnancy center can also provide resources and support if you choose to parent your baby.
- Finances can improve over time.
So, if you are feeling you don’t want your baby because you are worried about finances, please keep in mind that there have been plenty of mothers without a solid financial situation who’ve raised loving families.
Finances can change, but your decision of placing your child for adoption cannot be changed. It’s important to keep this in mind as you continue your decision-making process.
Two-Parent Household – For those who dream of one day raising children, a loving and supportive spouse is often part of the equation. Unfortunately, pregnancies don’t solely occur between couples who are in it for the long haul.
Indeed, it’s quite common for the father of the child to either be unsupportive, uninvolved or even unknown.
If you find yourself in this situation, and you feel you don’t want your baby because you didn’t envision raising a child by yourself, you, of course, are not alone. However, also remember how many single mothers have successfully raised children; remember how many well-respected people like actors, athletes, musicians and community leaders are the products of single-parent homes; and lastly, remember that just because the father of your child may be out of the picture, that doesn’t necessarily mean your child won’t one day have a father figure in his or her life.
Who knows what (and who) the future has in store for you and your child.
Personal Goals– One of the biggest challenges of raising a child is the time and effort required to simply be a good mom. This is even challenging for parents who’ve been planning for years to have children, but of course it’s often more difficult for those who weren’t expecting this news.
Whatever you have planned for yourself, whether its finishing school, beginning a career, finding that special someone, or anything else, raising a child may make those goals more difficult to achieve at this point in your life.
However, remember that those goals will also always be waiting there for you. Therefore, if you dream of completing college one day or leading a successful career, you can obviously still successfully achieve those dreams as a mother, albeit maybe not as quickly as you had originally planned.
Thoughts of not wanting your baby are not ones to take lightly. If you are questioning whether you are ready to be a mother, we suggest talking to trusted family members and friends, and you can even speak with one of our adoption counselors today for more information with absolutely no obligation to pursue adoption. While you are figuring out what option is best for you and your child, we can also help you attain private counseling with a licensed therapist to allow some extra support during this time.
We are here to help you decide whether these feelings you are having are because you may feel adoption is your best option or if you are simply feeling scared about the uncertainty that lies ahead. We look forward to helping you in any way we can during this important time in your life.
Contact us today at 864.573.5533.